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Dear Earth,

What are you doing with your life? Please get your act together. It rains every day and the burg smells like dogfood. It is supposed to be spring where everyone becomes twitterpatted. This is impossible if

a. it is raining nonstop (you can't go outside - can't meet anyone)

b. even if it's not raining, the ground is wet from raining (can't wear cute cute shoes or sit on the quad - can't meet anyone)

c. the air is stained with the putrid smell of puppy chow (who wants to be exposed to that? are you kidding me?! - can't meet anyone)

d. science has proven that rain sabotages all hair, makeup, and clothing attempts (can't be shallow - can't meet anyone)

But in all seriousness...Seriously?! You know things are in a state of disarray when I'm trying to have an intervention with a celestial object.

Thank you for your time,

Allison Kinney

P.S. - You have 24 hours to fix this before I get the powers-that-be involved.

I mean business, #$%@*&er.