Party Mode, Engage.

I don’t understand why facebook forces you to type the words “levine earfuls” or “99 koala kids” in order to post a link in your status.

This week has been camp college. Camp college is where all of the delinquent children are sent to accomplish ridiculous things they won’t remember as a reward for sitting around doing nothing for the past three months. It is an astoundingly beautiful thing. It is tradition to be hammeration every single night so as to build up your alcohol tolerance before the actual school year begins. Because school is just a lie we tell our parents to live in paradise for thousands of dollars a semester.

I decided to go against this golden rule and take a night off, but still attend hammertime events. Since I was not drinking, I decided to make things interesting by creating a new identity for myself, along with brandon duncan.

I was Kaylee, the new freshman smad major from spotswood OMGLAWL!

And brandon was Roger, the exchange student from new zealand who was gay at some parties, and straight at others.

Oh and at one point josh eflin introduced himself as Harry.

Things were going swimmingly, seeing as how the hammered loooved brandon’s accent. I was mostly ignored as a run-of-the-mill girl in jean shorts who decided to drink despite original intentions.

Until this girl runs over yelling at brandon (as roger). “my friends don’t believe that you are british! Tell them! I know you are!”

“actually mate, I’m from new zealand.”

“I told you guys! Lolzdrunx”

A short bald guy overheard this conversation.

“so you’re from new zealand?”

“yeh, I’m just here for the year as an exchange student.”

“wow! So you must really love rugby? I’m on the rugby team here. Dude, you should totally come out and play ::beerpong shot::!!! What do you think of so-and-so getting traded? Did you know the new league just incorporated quidditch rules?”

“I know I can’t believe it!”

“yeah! Definitely come play.”

“I might watch.”

“you have to play! You’d kick everyone’s ass! So what’s your major?”

“I um yeah I’m a theater major.”

...

“oh. So this could all be just a lie then? Because you’re a theater major? Good at accents?”

“NO OF COURSE NOT G2G”

So we left.

Next party:

I meet a girl named nikki who is a freshman, and her roommate shivanne.

We talk for ten minutes about our majors, why we are afraid of the first day, what our dorms are like, what my roommate is like, how we know the people at this party, and that we should try to meet up for frog events the next day.

These girls just love kaylee.

But then disaster strikes - all of madison project shows up at this party.

And I tell those girls that I went to high school with every single one of them. Then josh shouts “ALLISON!” across the room. But people still called me kaylee.  And now I have new friends.

I leave.

The next day I go to dinner at a friend’s house. I start to tell this story, and a guy at the table I did not know says “I KNEW YOU LOOKED FAMILIAR!”

And I had to tell him and his friends that the entire thing was a lie.

So, lesson learned. People will totally believe you as long as you are not a theater major. But they will find you at a dinner party the next day.

^ I was ready to post all of that until the story continued. Last night I went to a 6 kegger in pheasant run, and guess who’s there? One of the guys from dinner, AND nikki and shivanne. I say what’s up to the girls and leave them alone with meghan verducci. They ask meghan if she is my roommate and she says no. The girls ask her if she’s a freshman and she says no. They say “oh but allison is a freshman!” and meghan says “I have no idea what you are talking about.” so my cover is potentially blown on all accounts.

I pass by the dinner guy with the girls in view. He asks me for my name again and I start to say allison, but then catch myself. “kaycee - I mean, kaylee!”. Luckily or unluckily the girls overheard. I think I’m gonna tell them the truth so we can actually be friends.

20,000 students at this school...and I keep seeing the same three.