seen at a funeral. why go formal when you can wear an appropriately stylish leather vest with chain closures?
seen in my front yard. considering the only people that live in my house are cats, i'm not surprised that it's gone completely wild. grass growing in the corners, families of assorted wooden creatures, and hunting remnants really make me feel at home.
i've always found that my ikea shopping experience is never complete without the sighting of a red, white and blue mustache.
that really must have taken some effort.
so i haven't written in a while. this means that i have way too much material to put into one entry. so i will leave you with this charming tale before i take a 24-hour break.
needed to get my passport renewed, which is something i should have done roughly six months ago. i like to live on the edge. it would have expired while i was abroad, an adventure that was somewhat tempting.
but my friends and family did not see my procrastination in the same light, so i was peer-pressured into responsible action.
went to the county courthouse in my gym clothes and booty shorts. the sign on the door said "do not enter if not dressed appropriately". i felt pretty professional, so i swaggered on in.
about to go through metal detector. but the security guard asked for my purse. i wasn't carrying one. i double-checked. then i held up my wallet, wordlessly, and looked at him. he said "please, may i have your purse?"
my wallet?
my wallet has receipts hanging out of it. and some membership cards to books-a-million. not even any money, definitely nothing dangerous or exciting. but he rifled through it for five minutes, and now knows how much i spent at walmart the day before and maybe that i bought some lunchmeat.
nosy.
i go in. avoid the good-looking male receptionist. because i'm sweaty. grab some forms, fill em out. then i find out i need my checkbook.
i walk back to my car three blocks in pouring rain to get the stupid thing.
i return and hand the lady some crumpled papers. she says it'll take about six weeks.
"oh haha, no, i want to expedite it."
seemed perfectly logical.
"oh we don't do that here."
YOU ARE THE PASSPORT OFFICE.
?!
she hands me a small piece of white paper that says "post office" on it and a phone number. no address. nothing. i call and find out they close in 30 minutes and that they are 30 minutes away. aka 3:30. i buy a gps app for my phone and type in the addy and start some reckless driving.
i see a huge post office. feeling home free, despite my gps politely telling me that i was not in the right place ("make the next available u-turn"), i go on in and wait in line. it's 3:26.
wrong post office.
at least i know the gps works.
so i get back on the road with 4 minutes to go.
gps says i've reached my destination.
which turns out to be a small wooden hut with a broken post office sign and no parking. i park by the dumpster. which was really a small trashcan. hoping not to get towed.
i run inside. 3:31. i stand at the desk while the lady gets off the phone. i'm feeling pretty good right now, even though this adventure was pretty disappointing and a complete and utter waste of time.
the lady comes up, i tell her confidently that i want to expedite my passport.
she apologizes for being a bit shaky due to the phone conversation she just had.
i, being the considerate human being that i am, ask if she is okay?
NO. I HAVE CANCER!!!!!!!!!!
i make a noise that sounds like i was punched in the stomach, and then drool a bit. i selfishly worry she might file my paperwork wrong, and then just stand there awkwardly while she puts stamps all over things.
this situation was not ideal.
i left as soon as i could and mumbled god bless.
i drove home in silence and got my passport a week later.
man. cancer really sucks. it even sucks when you don't have it, but someone shouts in your face that they do. yikes and a half.
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