FRIDAY:
ten shots in one hour.
then to the exit house.
problem #1: i thought the new cool thing to do was the hand symbol for "OK".
this is, in fact, NOT ok. especially because i found it appropriate to just stare at people while doing it. without actually saying anything. later found out sarah smith encouraged this. frangit.
problem #2: i now cannot stop doing this. i use it in regular conversation and run-ins with ex-boyfriends. it needs to stop. immediately.
at least i started to catch myself while doing it.
but tino. still.
problem #3: i made out with someone from kazakhstan.
...afterward i found out his name was igor.
IGOR, PEOPLE!
and if you don't see a problem with this, stop reading my blog.
problem #4: i don't usually get annoyed with people, but ever since then people have gotten in my face about him being ugly. at least he was tall! and i must say it's better than me following around someone i actually know that evening. i have the following to say to those people:
a. bad friends.
b. did you even see him?
c. rumors.
d. drunk.
e. he started it...
BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY:
f. i have a hilarious story about a guy named igor and drunken shenanigans. i am actually slightly proud of this accomplishment. while i have made out with countless insignificant men, knowing that one of them is named igor is hilarious beyond comprehension and makes for good blogging. i have sacrificed moral responsibility and tact to make this blog entertaining, and i'm sticking to this new philosophy. because my life is about ten times as hilarious.
SATURDAY:
i went out with the following in mind - "tonight has to be better than last night. and include better looking foreign people."
in some ways, this was accomplished.
better because:
a. i looked rull good.
b. i spent it with verducci.
c. saw some hos.
foreign people:
david ray walked me to the bus stop. i rode the drunk bus alone, trying to get to stonegate. so i got off on neff knowing i'd have to walk a little, but not far.
...not neff.
UNIVERSITY.
here i am, on university blvd. wearing 4-inch heels and alone. trying to get to stonegate. not even drunk (wth).
then i notice two other people got off with me. both in all pink. both male.
jackpot.
"hey guys...not to be a creeper buy can i walk with you for a second?"
"TOTALLY! we don't even GO here. we go to vcu and odu. ...where are we?"
hence, foreigners.
martha layman came to rescue me while i left them heading in the direction of walmart (a place they called "sunchase").
i hope they survived.
SUNDAY:
note, this actually all happened on saturday afternoon. but i like to pretend that my weekend fun was spread out proportionally.
let me set the scene.
i have just spent an hour in festival letting someone put fairy make-up on me. aka i am wearing purple lipstick, have feathers in my hair, and jewels on my face. i have no shoes on. i am wearing a white dress.
what could make this any better, you ask?
finding someone with alcohol poisoning.
the following occurs.
i am sitting in my car, waiting for people to come out so that we can drive to the arboretum for our note-oriety photo shoot. i look over and see some guy lying on the sidewalk with his arms over his face, coughing and spitting to the side now and then. it is 4 pm. i think to myself (or out loud), "THAT GUY HAS ALCOHOL POISONING! AWESOME!!!" so i take a picture with my phone.
classy individual that i am, i decide i should go check on this ailing person.
in fairy attire. inner monologue: man, if this guy is wasted, he is about to have the trip of a lifetime.
i stand over him. he is coughing a great deal.
"hey...are you okay?"
hands over his face.
"yeah...yeah, i'm fine"
he removes his hands.
...it is joel gerlach.
"...JOEL?! what the hell are you doing?"
"woah, um hey. i just get really winded coming up this hill..."
"wait, you aren't drunk? what? why are you coughing? i came over because i thought you had alcohol poisoning and needed help!"
"no, i just needed to lie down for a second."
"okay...sorry i'm wearing purple lipstick. bye."
and that was my weekend.
biddiewatch has improved my life.
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